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First saw her across the bar
I could hardly stand
Tall and slender was her frame
Her neck a golden band
Pilsner Please? and I asked her name
Provo Girl he said
Do you mind if I dance with her?
He said, “Nope, but watch her head”
So I took her on the dance floor
And a bond was quickly found
And people stared cause they knew that
She’d be easy going down
Sweet yet bitter was the taste
So how could I resist?
I pressed my lips against her
And I had to take a piss

So I took her in the bathroom
And I opened up the stall
Set her on the toilet
And I leaned her against the wall
Pants fell around my ankles
The next thing you fucking know
I had both hands trying to pry my tounge
From the suction from the hole
When I got my face free
It was soaking wet
But I didn’t care
It was the best thing I had tasted yet
Washed my hands, washed my face
Went back to the bar
But I still had to take a piss
So I told her, “don’t go far”

Urinal cake, urinal cake
You are almost gone
I’m in here cause I drank too much
And my inhibition’s gone
Do you have advise for me
As I erode away your core
“Treat her like a lady even if she is a whore”
So I returned to where I left her
And I did not expect
2 of my friends to be in the corner
Sucking on her neck
Could have been pissed but I decided
To take it like a man
I walked back to the bartender
Said, “This time give me a can”


from The Foggy Bitch, released January 22, 2013



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